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Have you ever been told that you’re “too much”? When I was going through the engagement ending, one thing I struggled with was that I was a lot as person. I had big dreams, goals, and ideas. And I was so stubborn in my pursuit of chasing them that the person I was with felt like they weren’t a priority.

When in reality, I thought I wasn’t enough for him. It’s almost been a year since the breakup. I still have the big dreams and goals— that won’t change. I’ve had terrible luck with online dating (it’s the worst!) I’ve been told I’m too much, I should tone it down, or that women here are a little quieter with their opinions.

And that’s okay for some people. But that’s not what I want. I want the person I’m with to be uncomfortable with a watered down version of me. I want them to think of me as whiskey and think to themselves, “Why would I ever add an ice cube or water her down? That’s not the way I want her.”

And it might be hard to find that person, but that’s okay.

Something I’ve learned the hard way is that you’ll always be too much for the wrong people.

Too confident, too friendly, too loud, too quiet, too sensitive, too driven. You’ll always be too much of something. But the people that can’t “handle you” are not your people. You’re an accumulation of your experiences— the highest of highs and the lowest of lows were woven together to form you into who you are. So be too much. Be too much for the wrong people, because the right people are always going to want more.

They’re going to know that what you are on the outside (even if it’s a lot) probably matches the inside. You might be really loud or really quiet, but I bet you love just as deeply.

The people that are too much are a good thing. You want those people in your life. The people that light up the room when they walk in. The people that force you into shots of Fireball on a Friday when you just want to stay in and watch Netflix. You’re never going to find your people if you aren’t true to yourself.

This is for the person that feels like they’re too much. These are my 3 tips as your big sis. Pack it up buttercup, start living life. Not to toot my own horn, but these are pretty good. (Too-too-too-too-toot-toot-toot-toot!)

Find Yourself and Embrace It

Take yourself on a date. Multiple! You don’t need someone else to take you on a date— do it yourself. Journal every single day. Get the emotions and thoughts on paper. Internalizing it will do you no good. And go to therapy!

Yes, a friend and a bottle or two of wine are good for the soul. But nothing can replace a therapist.

And as you’re learning to love yourself you are allowed to cry for no reason. You’re allowed to love who you want. You’re allowed to love yourself. I hope you fall so in love with your own life that the opinion from someone who has no intention of staying doesn’t change your trajectory of your hopes and dreams.

Be Okay with People Walking Away

This one sucks.

When you find yourself, people will leave. It’s painful and messy, but you’re not doing it for them. The right people will stay. The right people will find you. You’ll attract those people. The wrong people will leave pretty quickly.

When you realize your worth… they’ll be gone.

The right people will cheer you on. They’ll bring the pom-poms. They’ll cheer you on so hard that you have no intention of quitting. But the wrong people will give you the towel to watch you throw it in. Those aren’t your people. R-U-N.

Know Your Worth and Expect It

Expect it from people, relationships, whatever you do.

When you know your worth, you’ll have to say no to people, events, and things that no longer serve you. They’re distractions from what you are and what you deserve. You don’t need that. You need to stay focused.

Shannon and McDonald’s

The reason I’m recording this is because of my friend Shannon. We both are intense and passionate. She told me the best analogy to modern dating.

The person that can handle you and all that you are is not going to be easily accessible. They’re not fast food when you’re starving. The person that looks at you and thinks, “Wow. I just can’t get enough of them.” is a 3-star Michelin restaurant that requires a reservation.

—My friend Shannon

If that doesn’t make you think about your worth— I don’t know what will. I’d much rather eat at the French Laundry than McDonald’s!

tl;dr If you’re ever told your too much, say thank you and move on. The only person that can decide your worth is you (and you’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for!)