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In case nobody’s told you, you’re allowed to set standards. Standards are not a restriction or something that is against you. It’s saying to someone else, “This is what I’m willing to accept from you.”
It’s not saying, “This is where we can meet in the middle.”
You get to decide what your expectations are and not lower them.
Bending Our Expectations
It’s so easy for women to want to bend our expectations because a guy checks a few of the boxes. Maybe they’re nice to their friends and they’re always fun to go out with. You can always rely on them for fun. But they have a glaring communication style.
You tell your friends that it’s fine and you’ll put up with it because the other boxes are checked. Do you hear yourself? You’re willing to accept him treating you in a way that you typically expect to be treated.
You can have hard conversations with someone and tell them that you need more. Maybe it’s the cadence of how often they talk to you or they use words that are harsh and upset you.
What You Deserve
It’s okay to say to someone, “I need more from you.”
They might tell you that they have anything else to give you. That’s when you have to make a decision— will you keep your standard or break your own rules?
And maybe that’s okay! Maybe you have to re-evaluate your expectations. But it’s okay to expect love and to be treated in a way that makes you feel valued, safe, and appreciated. It’s not too much to tell someone that you deserve to feel a particular way.
It’s Not a Punishment
Setting a standard isn’t a punishment for you. It’s telling yourself what you expect and advocating for yourself. If the other person can’t meet those standards, maybe they aren’t for you.
You are allowed to have expectations of how you’ll be treated. But know that if you expect something from someone else, you have to do those same things.
In order to have a friend/spouse/leader, you have to be one. You’re a magnet and a mirror.
Show up in the ways you want others to show up for you and you’ll attract that. If you’re not attracting that, maybe you need to look at your priorities and how you’re showing up.