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If you didn’t notice (and I don’t expect you to!) I took a few months off of podcasting. I kind of felt like I had nothing to say that would resonate with people. I was living a pretend life of being happy on social media and crying myself to sleep almost every night.
I was so over-involved and lonely and I felt like I didn’t have a purpose.
I was busy 5 days/nights a week. All of the things I was doing were important to me, but I had spread myself way too thin. From small groups to book clubs to whatever I could distract myself with— I was there.
I had surrounded myself with great people, but the second I got in my car I would break down. I was pouring so much energy into everyone else that I forgot to take care of me in the process. I wanted to prove that I was happy and living my dreams. Doing what everyone said I couldn’t and shouldn’t do. I was fighting to feel worthy.
But at the end of the day, I didn’t feel like I was.
Dating and Empty
I downloaded every possible dating app and tried to find a relationship to act as a bandaid for places I was too afraid to heal. Online draining is draining. It’s an episode in itself.
But I deleted all of the apps in 2022. How could I expect someone to fix my problems if I wasn’t willing to even work on them myself?
The Unstoppable Community
But while I was burning out and going through a quarter-life crisis, I found a group at my church, The Unstoppable Duo Community, that changed my life. One of the lowest seasons of my life was the season that transformed me.
My cup was empty, but I still tried.
The group met once a month in-person and every Tuesday night on Zoom. We were pushed in small groups to face things that were scary. It was hard to show up on days when I didn’t want people to see the red in my eyes from crying. The calls always ended up on days that I was crying.
The one year mark of my engagement ending, my ex-fiance getting engaged… every call or meeting I was surrounded by people that loved me and supported me.
It was scary to be vulnerable, but I did it anyways. They were the ones to notice my burnout. They asked if I was okay when I wasn’t. They kept showing up.
Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why?
Years ago in therapy, Cindy (my therapist) would ask why. And there’s a method of asking why seven times to get to the root of the problem. And I realized through Unstoppable that I was scared of being alone. I struggled with my engagement ending because I didn’t want to see him fall for someone else and be left by myself. I stayed busy to avoid feeling lonely. I was escaping my reality.
The group was a safe place to be angry, overwhelmed, afraid, all of the emotions I had tried to avoid. I faced the reality of my finances, my doubt in God, my insecurities.
The program ended a month ago and I feel so confident going into this next season. I have 80ish people who will support, love, and push me here in Charleston. I think I came to Charleston to heal and this group was truly the catalyst for it.
My WHY Statement
Simon Sinek talks about a Why statement. There’s a Ted Talk and a book about knowing your purpose and creating a vision for your future. It’s a mission statement that drives you.
It’s kind of funny. To back track, I worked with my amazing friend, Mariah Danielson from Wander Design Company, to find my why. It was a year prior and I felt like my purpose had shifted. Not because I wanted it to, but I truly didn’t feel worthy and deserving of it. This was back in January of 2021. I had just gone through my engagement ending, losing my house, friends, everything was gone.
I was living with a family friend and was in a transitional period of losing my job, having a cancer scare, my parents announced that they were divorcing, life was overwhelming.
I needed something to hold me down.
“To validate others so that they have the strength to continue writing their stories.”
I wanted that statement to be true for me, but I didn’t know how to live it out. How could I give someone strength to continue writing their story when I wanted to end mine? I didn’t feel worthy.
Back to 2022, I went through the Why statement journey… again.
And the funny thing is that my Why statement didn’t change, but I was able to find the why behind the why. A group of strangers (in the beginning) helped me to feel concrete in what my purpose was.
You’re probably wondering, “Okay, but what did your statement change to…?”
And here it is— To share my story of God’s healing to empower women to embrace their own stories and find strength in Him.
Goosebumps, right? When I felt the least equipped to do something was the perfect time to start. I found a group and my purpose didn’t waiver or change.
The last thing we did was create a vision board for areas of growth we wanted to focus on. We also found words to anchor these vision boards. I spent weeks digging deep to find a word that tugged at my heart.
Fixed in one position, immobile, unable to move.
For so long, I’ve been running, searching, climbing, diving, trying to figure out where to put my feet. For the first time, I feel like I have roots. That may not be a physical root of being rooted in a place like Charleston, but I finally feel like I have that purpose, identity, and the relationships I needed.
My mantra for 2022 is “consistent or nonexistent”. It’s showing up for people that show up for me, removing relationships that no longer serve me, and being sure of who I am because my anchor is in a higher power.
2022 is the year I show up as Jordi, unapologetically. I’m owning my purpose for the first time ever. I get to be proud of my story and share it with people with the only intention of helping someone
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