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I’ve been reading a book from Lindsey Schwartz called Powerhouse Women. It’s a workbook of sorts that breaks down issues and insecurities that make someone feel like they don’t deserve to live out their purpose. And that’s something I struggle with.
My Glamorous Recording “Studio”
I don’t always feel qualified, capable, or even equipped. I’m currently recording an episode in my bedroom. Let me set the scene— I sit on a fuzzy blanket with flipped over laundry hamper. I deconstructed a studio soundbox and have the foam pieces spread out hoping that some sound gets absorbed. My laptop is propped up and I sometimes (if ever) have notes. That’s how I record.
This setup isn’t glamorous by any means. I’m bra-less, in a monkey t-shirt, with sweats, and a mismatched flannel on.
I literally don’t have it together by any means.
I Swore at Bible Study
In her book, Lindsey talks about the things that hold us back. And one of those is the difference between confidence and having it all together. For SOOOOO long, I’ve felt like I wasn’t ready to speak or have a podcast. I am ready, I just don’t have it all together. And that’s okay. Who has every part of their life together?
That limiting belief alone has stopped me from doing so many things. It’s hindered areas of my life, too. I’m religious and I talk about it on here sometimes.
I lead a Bible study at my church and I’m the “Captain of Fun” that kicks off the night.
When they asked me to do this I didn’t understand why. I was like, “But you know that I’m a hot mess, right?” And they totally did. Anyways, there are 8 of us that sit at the table at the study. And this season has been hard. Honestly, maybe the hardest season since my engagement ended if I’m being honest.
I’ve been going through a lot and facing some internal battles. One of those being that I don’t love Charleston. It’s a beautiful city, but I don’t feel like I belong here. I know I’m supposed to be here, but why do I have to be in a place that I don’t want to be?
So I get to Bible Study with Chick-fil-A in hand, wearing sweatpants, and wearing zero makeup. Which is not how I go to church. I sat down and said to the table, “This week has been shit.”
Someone looked at me and was like, “We can swear here?!”
After we laughed it off, they told me it was a relief to see me show up not put together. It made me more real and it took the pressure off of them, too.
It’s Okay
It’s okay to not have it all together. It’s okay to not have every piece of the puzzle figured out. It’s okay to wonder if what you’re doing is the right thing.
Nobody has it all together.
There’s no club for all the successful people who are hanging out and sippin’ on martinis in a lounge. Everyone at every stage of their life is still trying to figure it out. And the people that look like they have it together— have a team of people behind them.
And that’s okay. They’re successful and they’ve earned it. But it’s not reality. They have planners, nannies, personal chefs, and people that make it look easy.
If you’re a Mom and you probably don’t have a team of 6 people making life look easy. And if you do, you probably still have questions.
Messy is Where Magic Happens
It’s not a contest of who has it together the most. Take a step back and acknowledge that you’re at least trying. You’re trying to be the best version of yourself— that’s the only thing anyone is asking of you.
You can strive for perfection, but you’ll never be perfect.
You’ll never look, act, and feel the part. You may look it and act it, but you won’t feel it. Or you feel it, but you don’t look it. It’s okay to be messy. Messy is where magic happens. It’s not happening when everything is perfect and polished.
Things happen when you put in effort and time. And when you’re doing all those things, it’s not supposed to be pretty. Parts of it may be, but the entire experience of it isn’t going to be that way.
Take The Pressure Off
Take the pressure off of yourself to have it all together. I’m 27 and I’ve literally eaten pizza rolls for dinner for the last three nights. I will always be a hot mess. I’ll always wonder if there’s toilet paper coming out off my ass on a date.
If you pretend you have it all together, you’re pretending. We all know social media is a highlight reel. Stop faking it. Let’s go back to enjoying life.
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